5 Things I’ve Learned this Week from Sloppy People

I consider myself very lucky. I have a fairly easy job and work with fairly decent people. It’s that rare once in awhile treat of a shift with the office’s disgruntled-ball-of-nerves that makes it all truly rewarding though. I always come away with a new life lesson. Tell me what you think of these leave-it-to-beaver gems:

1.)  Strangers aren’t your friends. They are strangers. Be wary.

gossipAt the beginning of any relationship is that critical getting-to-know-you phase. This is the time in friendship building where you learn about the other person; that sometimes awkward journey through their likes and dislikes, personality quirks, and overall demeanor. THIS IS NATURAL AND NEEDS TO HAPPEN! Random Toms, Dicks, and Harrys should not know that you do side-work for the mafia, enjoy auto-erotic asphyxiation on the weekends, or do eight-balls during your lunch break. This knowledge will develop over time. Lesson: Out-of-the-blue confessions to people who haven’t earned your trust/respect is only fodder for future gossip.       

2.) Respect the separation of Work and Home.

If your spouse didn’t put his/her hands on you, then there’s really no need for anyone to know about anything going on at home. I’m single, the best I can do is tell you how awesome life is without a husband and kids. Lesson: If you are going through some things, tell your friends and if you aren’t sure who they are see No. 1 above.

3.) Stop bitchin’. 

 I’m so guilty of this! I will complain to anyone willing to listen just for the opportunity to open my big mouth. After eight hours of hearing someone bellyache over a molehill, I apologized to all my co-workers and started life anew on a fresh path! To all my fellow complainers there are two things you should know: a) No one gives a damn. Seriously, no one cares about how screwed up things are with the leadership or about the schedule or “how things should be done around here!” Just stop it. Just. Stop. It. 2) The complaint more than likely has nothing to do with you and you are just adding your outside-lookin-in two cents. I’m certain that the saying “adding my two cents in,” is a testament of how much an opinion is really worth… So Ms. Tiara, from this day forth you will not shoot off at the mouth about things you aren’t 100% on and you will not bitch about things that take a phone call to fix or things that can’t be fixed. Lesson: I got 99 problems and yours ain’t one.

4.) Negativity is draining

I can understand not being into different things, new places, and/or fresh faces…On second thought no, I really can’t understand that. At all. Lesson: If your first response is usually “no I don’t do that” followed by “what is that?” Just shhh. Shh. Trust me. Shh.  

5.) Real badasses do alot of punching not talking.

People can’t create their own reputations, their actions speak for them. You can gab all day about what you would have done or how you don’t take any shit but #WeDon’tBelieveYou. The proof is in the pudding and until I hear from someone else that you were all up in so-and-so’s face I’m just going to smile and nod while reading the latest issue of VIBE. Lesson: Quiet dogs bite hard #mosdef

So, did you recognize yourself in any of these examples? If you did, what are you going to do to change? Are there any other sloppy people habits that annoy you? Tell me about them.

New Beer!

Last weekend I went home to Georgia to see my family and friends. After three days of fun, great memories, and laughs, I decided to make the last dinner at my favorite pizza place, the Pizza Joint. The very lovely server (whose name currently escapes) me suggested I try the new seasonal offering from New Belgium Brewing Co. called Snow Day Winter Ale (6.2% abv). Of course I agreed to try it and I was not disappointed! I’m no beer connoisseur so I’ll just tell you what I thought, it was full, not heavy; smooth, wonderful drinkablity; and the taste of cloves took me back to turkey and ham dinners at my parents’ house.

This is the description of Snow Day Winer Ale on the New Belgium website:     

Pleasantly hoppy, Snow Day carries the subtle chocolate and caramel flavors of a new brewing malt known as Midnight Wheat. The Styrian Golding, Centennial and Cascade hops bring the backbone of hoppy bitterness to complement the roasty undertones. This beer is the deep garnet of a roasted walnut and presents a creamy tan head, floating artfully atop. Snow Day is bold and hoppy, drinkable and strong.
It reminds you to enjoy the unexpected.

Picture above is the beer I was served…I tasted no chocolate or caramel, it’s not the garnet hue of a roasted walnut and that head was whiter than the one on my chin…

Before I screamed shenanigans, I went to the store and bought their Folly variety pack that includes 3 bottles of the Snow Day Winter Ale (look for a review next weekend). The bottled version, however, featured that chocolate and caramel taste and beautiful garnet color…hmm…

SHENANIGANS!

I wanna know what they served me at the Pizza Joint!!! It was delicious…

*That’s Stella in the picture above; I had two sips and asked for another round of the mystery beer, it was that good!”

Free Business Ideas!! Get ‘em while they are hot.

Installment Deux!

Landscapers/Lawn Care companies

Good promotion into the slow season would be fronts for five, where you mow someone’s front yard for $5 or $15 (you could say fronts for $10 but that kills the alliteration and I’m all about phonetics). The trick here is doing that extra to make the customers’s yard look better than the neighbor’s at no additional charge. Trim the hedges or edge the yard, hit your local nursery’s year end clearance and introduce some color into the yard. Anything as long you over-deliver. Don’t make a big deal of it either, thank them for their business by mouth and send them a thank you card later. Man, a thoughtful handwritten thank you card can take you places. I should do better about sending them out.

Event Planners

Organize a trade event. Put together a conference for under-served niches like truck drivers, or an exotic pet expo, anything you don’t normally hear about happening. Or craft weekend social retreats for entrepreneurs, CEO’s, or the newly unemployed. Use your connections to find experts to host two informational workshops and fill the day with ice breakers.  

Restaurant Owners

Recession Thursdays! Sell your Special du Jour at cost and mark up alcohol. It’s like a happy hour on steroids. Bakeries could have a “fudge it” Fridays and attract customers with free fudge samples. Brainstorm interesting relevant promotions to get people in the door.

Hitch

I know it was a movie but some guys out there need help talking to women or with developing social skills in general. Contract your services as a professional wingman or hold a communication skills workshop. Ladies, are you tired of seeing women around town looking like a hot mess? As a personal stylist you can put your eye for style to work and hopefully put an end to the “smdh’s” on WorldStarHipHop.com 

Good Luck, Let me know if can help! Have you started a business recently? What were some of your biggest hassles? Motivators?

5 Ways I will be #Winning this Holiday Season

Marketers love to make you feel horrible and empty. How else are they going to convince you to buy a product or service that you don’t need unless they demonstrate how uncool you are without it?

For example, drinking Smartwater seems pretty silly once you realize that the bottled water industry is unregulated so you are more than likely drinking tap water. Drenching one’s self in Axe body spray is a sure sign that your grownup game is off and despite it’s cool, refreshing taste, Coke will eat away battery acid. Although I know all of these things, I still drink bottled water, entertain men who’ve never heard of Polo Black, and and enjoy the occasional cola. Marketers: 1, Me: 0. 

Soon, I will meet head to head with my foe in the epic battle royale known as the Holiday Season. Commercials will convince me to take on more debt (layaway is back at Wally World, yall!), to find a cuddle buddy (thanks Trojan Man, but I’m good), and to forget that it is actually wintertime (shout out to club promoters who throw lingerie parties in December…). But this year I refuse to be made to feel anything less than awesome. I’m taking a stand!

Here are the top five advertising myths about the holidays I’ll be debunking in the coming months:

1) Your family will stress you out during the holidays. You must buy my product to ease the strain.

I don’t know about y’all but I got some funny acting folks in my family that love to ruin a good time. Every year without fail I end up riding to family gatherings with them. Inevitably, someone pops off at the mouth and I got to leave along with them. This year, I’m over 18 and I have a functioning vehicle; if family starts acting funny I’m going to sit tight sipping my hot cocoa and wish them a safe trip back or if family starts stressing me out I’m going to fix up a plate and ride back to my peaceful home/hotel. Thank you for the offer but the only thing I’m buying is a full tank of gas. 

2) Cooking for a small army is tough. Buy my product that does some crazy amazing thing that you have to do in order to impress all these open mouths. 

a) I ain’t cooking shit, b) A potluck Thanksgiving sounds like a great idea during these tough times, and c) All those open mouths don’t start talking trash about your meal until they are finished eating, anyway. So you can go to strains to impress them and still hear complaints or relax, do satisfactory work, and listen to them whine regardless. 

3) If you don’t get him that perfect gift, he’ll leave you. Luckily, we have just what he wants.

I’m single, now what? I think I’m going to save the money I would have spent on him and make some thoughtful gifts for my family (my macaroni cards were a huge hit last year).

4) If you don’t buy your family these wildly expensive gifts, their holidays will be ruined and they will hate you forever.

If my family were materialistic like that, I’d be okay with them hating me for not buying them something I couldn’t afford. In all actuality, we’re poor so gratitude is the feeling most likely to be expressed during gift exchanging.

5) Cold bad. Beer good.

Basically! I can’t argue with the truth— Marketers you win once again! 

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 What things or actions are you going to avoid this holiday season?