Getting over it!

Yesterday at my “fairly easy job,” my boss called me up for a powwow to discuss my yearly performance evaluation. It is comprised of 5 categories where you are graded on a scale of 1-4: 1 meaning “below expectations,” 2 - “meets expectations,” 3 - “exceeds expectations,” and 4 - “far exceeds expectations.” I scored a 2 in each category. Of course I disagree with the score and when pressed as to why I’m merely meeting expectations despite the book of training material I created, my ability to move between both job sites, and the fact that I earned two awards for outstanding performance in 2011, he replied that I had plateaued. Where once I was working really hard at streamlining SOP’s and producing training materials (in addition to my normal duties) now I was just coasting. He’s 100% correct of course. Once I realized I was doing 25% of his job for 0% of the credit and no extra pay, I put my energies into accomplishing what I came to San Antonio to do in the first place (www.npsbound.tumblr.com).

I know what you’re thinking—Oh another Gen-Xer with an entitlement attitude complaining about having to put in work to rise up in the ranks—right? Quick background: I get my five year coin next month— I trained my boss after he was hired a year and some change ago. When he goes on vacation or on assignment, I stand in for him. I’m sure there’s a very valid reason I’ve been passed up for promotion twice and I’d love to hear it.

Anywho, needless to say, that 15 minute meeting tainted the next 24 hours. My sour resentful mood followed me home, into my dinner, and then into work later on that night. I bitched to my co-worker (I know, I know. Pray for me) and was exhausted for the rest of the night. I was still seething during my drive home! There was no way I could bring this vibe back into my household. 

I need to get over this.

People always tell you to don’t hold grudges, get over it, move on, ect. But I don’t hear any advice as to how. So here are three things that helped me to calm down:

   1) Accepting the possibility that I was wrong.

Sometimes we balk at things because there’s a hurtful truth to be found in them. Embrace your character flaw and use that anger to strengthen your weakness.

   2) Realizing I had spent entirely too much time on this.

Your time is too valuable to spend in anger. Designate a close friend to vent to. Warn them of the impending bitchfest first, though. Once you get it all off your chest, take a deep breath, and leave it off! Don’t re-hash the same points over and over again trying to demonstrate how right you were. If you were right, it will shine through. If you were wrong, hopefully you’ve chosen your friends wisely enough that they will check you on some nonsense.

  3) At the end of the day Love wins.

I swear to you, if no one is dead then it’s not that serious. Nothing is beyond fixing once you learn to forgive.

Good luck and remember it’s okay if you stumble through things, life is practice.

healed heart

5 Things I’ve Learned this Week from Sloppy People

I consider myself very lucky. I have a fairly easy job and work with fairly decent people. It’s that rare once in awhile treat of a shift with the office’s disgruntled-ball-of-nerves that makes it all truly rewarding though. I always come away with a new life lesson. Tell me what you think of these leave-it-to-beaver gems:

1.)  Strangers aren’t your friends. They are strangers. Be wary.

gossipAt the beginning of any relationship is that critical getting-to-know-you phase. This is the time in friendship building where you learn about the other person; that sometimes awkward journey through their likes and dislikes, personality quirks, and overall demeanor. THIS IS NATURAL AND NEEDS TO HAPPEN! Random Toms, Dicks, and Harrys should not know that you do side-work for the mafia, enjoy auto-erotic asphyxiation on the weekends, or do eight-balls during your lunch break. This knowledge will develop over time. Lesson: Out-of-the-blue confessions to people who haven’t earned your trust/respect is only fodder for future gossip.       

2.) Respect the separation of Work and Home.

If your spouse didn’t put his/her hands on you, then there’s really no need for anyone to know about anything going on at home. I’m single, the best I can do is tell you how awesome life is without a husband and kids. Lesson: If you are going through some things, tell your friends and if you aren’t sure who they are see No. 1 above.

3.) Stop bitchin’. 

 I’m so guilty of this! I will complain to anyone willing to listen just for the opportunity to open my big mouth. After eight hours of hearing someone bellyache over a molehill, I apologized to all my co-workers and started life anew on a fresh path! To all my fellow complainers there are two things you should know: a) No one gives a damn. Seriously, no one cares about how screwed up things are with the leadership or about the schedule or “how things should be done around here!” Just stop it. Just. Stop. It. 2) The complaint more than likely has nothing to do with you and you are just adding your outside-lookin-in two cents. I’m certain that the saying “adding my two cents in,” is a testament of how much an opinion is really worth… So Ms. Tiara, from this day forth you will not shoot off at the mouth about things you aren’t 100% on and you will not bitch about things that take a phone call to fix or things that can’t be fixed. Lesson: I got 99 problems and yours ain’t one.

4.) Negativity is draining

I can understand not being into different things, new places, and/or fresh faces…On second thought no, I really can’t understand that. At all. Lesson: If your first response is usually “no I don’t do that” followed by “what is that?” Just shhh. Shh. Trust me. Shh.  

5.) Real badasses do alot of punching not talking.

People can’t create their own reputations, their actions speak for them. You can gab all day about what you would have done or how you don’t take any shit but #WeDon’tBelieveYou. The proof is in the pudding and until I hear from someone else that you were all up in so-and-so’s face I’m just going to smile and nod while reading the latest issue of VIBE. Lesson: Quiet dogs bite hard #mosdef

So, did you recognize yourself in any of these examples? If you did, what are you going to do to change? Are there any other sloppy people habits that annoy you? Tell me about them.

Doing Better n Sh*t in 2012

As a proud member of That Nation (ihustlenation.com), I can’t wait on Jan. 1st to change. It starts now. So here are a few of my “Now” Year’s resolutions. 

  • Working out daily

I need to meet certain physical fitness requirements to reach my career goals. The minimums are so stringent that I need to pound the pavement daily. This has been a hard one to keep (it’s cold outside!) but I’m excited about the challenge. Plus droppin’ it like it’s hot is so much easier when you don’t have too much to drop.

  • Using more seeds

I’m a hardcore gardener (facebook.com/urballife) and it gets expensive. Seeds are cheap but hard to start and they can take weeks to get to the transplantable stage. There’s a few propagation classes I can take that will teach me how to grow the plants I want from seed and how to harvest seeds from plants I see around town. Hide yo pots, Hide yo plants cuz I’m snatching seeds from everybody out here!

  • Travelling

So as it turns out, the world is huge and I’ve only seen a little bit of it. Let’s remedy that in 2012. I want to take a four day weekend each month and see something new. It could be a new city, new culture, new play, or new country, just as long as it’s something I’ve never experienced. What are some cool places you’ve been to? What would be your dream vacation? Where do you dream of visiting? What are you doing to get there?

  • Aligning the tongue in my mouth with the tongue in my shoe

I can be flaky as hell and I hate that! This year, when I make a promise, word is bond, son! I will do what I say in a timely fashion and over deliver, especially when I make promises to myself. 

  • Action

I’m pretty lazy. I’m not sure why but I am. Sleep is just what’s up to me and that needs to change. I need to become accustomed to moving 18 hours a day, 6 days a week (Saturday is fun day!). 

  • Style

I want to cultivate a unique style and look. Something that you’d expect to see me in and then I’d like to play around with different styles. I may even start wearing make up. Perhaps, I should take a sewing class…

So what needs to change for you in 2012? What are your “Now” Year’s resolutions? What’s your plan for success? If you don’t have one check out ihustlenation.com for tips. What do want 2012 to bring you?